How to be a good lover to myself?

Today is the day I am taking myself off on a solo retreat for just over three weeks. No phone. No WiFi. No electricity. No other people. Nowhere to go. Just me, myself and I.

I have been scared about being by myself. Those final words of that life-changing poem 'The Invitation' on loop: I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments?

When I kept joking, "maybe I'll get sectioned", I realised I have been afraid the answer is no. And that I won't know how to be a good friend, an unconditional lover, to myself in those tender moments.

Despite my years of awareness practices and what I would call deep-love practices, It has shocked me to realise how much of my life I spend 'doing'.

Initially I saw this solo retreat as an opportunity to dive deep in to practices, and took a pretty disciplined and scheduled approach to planning my days, as though I was back at vipassana.

With great advice from two friends who have done solo retreats before, I have shifted in my approach. One asked me, 'How do you plan to tend to your heart?', reminding me how dark it might get at points as all the 'stuff' that needs attention emerges with no-one else to turn to.

And so I thought about what I would do for someone I loved. And then it was easier. Love is both safety and freedom, challenge and trust, nurturing and encouraging, vulnerable and courageous, playful and powerful, soft and fierce, boundaried and forgiving. (The image shows abhaya hridaya mudra - or fearless heart seal - that artfully evokes this)

My plans now include river banks of structure but also plenty of space for free flow. I know there will be signifiant challenge and I am prepared to meet that with a firm gentleness, a warm smile and a deep embrace.

I am learning through a long journey, dancing together yogic philosophy, earth wisdom and psychological approaches (predominantly internal family systems), that to be a lover to yourself is to recognise yourself as part of the whole. To come to know that your 'self' is also Self. Life is expressing through you as you, that's it. Life for the sake of it, life as love, you as love. Our practices support us to reside more fully in this awareness and therefore encourage us to treat ourselves with reverence and play. To delight in ourselves!

It is knowing that what is, just is, including you. It is bringing loving-kindness to your various patterns of behaviour, knowing they developed as a way to keep you safe. It is taking responsibility for the impact you have on the world around you, committing to doing your best to unburden old wounds in service to your healing, wholing and growth, so you can contribute to the natural reciprocal flow of give and receive that supports this planet to heal and thrive.

I guess being a good lover to yourself, and therefore the world, is simply asking, "What would love do?"